What If Productivity Is Not The Point

We slow down for a midyear gut check and get honest about why time feels like it’s flying by when we live for the next task. We talk through presence, solitude, boundaries, and self-compassion so we can stop chasing worth through productivity and start enjoying the life we’re building. 

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Transcript

Six Months Gone Too Fast

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello guys and welcome back to the podcast. I'm so excited to be on here. Get to Yap. So what I really want to talk about today is the fact that it's for one, July 1st, and we're already six months into the year. And that sounds so crazy to say because so much has happened in six months, yet so much has not happened, if that makes sense. Like I just feel like every single month is flying by so fast. And the reason why I feel like it's feeling this way is because I'm not being as present as I should be. I just feel like I'm just showing up each day to get through the day to like finish my to-do list. And it's like I'm not actually being fully present enough to feel like what's going on around me. And so this is something that I really, really, really, really, really, really, really am working on. But like I just yesterday just felt like I got engaged. I got engaged in January, and we're now in July. That's actually insane. Like, so much time has gone by, but it doesn't feel like that much time has gone by, and that's why I feel like I need to come back to more presence

When Productivity Feels Like Worth

SPEAKER_00 1:13

and more play. And this is something that I've been kind of struggling with recently, is just I feel like if I'm not being productive, if I'm not achieving, if I'm not hitting X non-negotiable, whatever, then like I am not worthy. And this is something that I've dealt with for a very, very, very, very, very long time. And I honestly think that this stems from just going back to me being in, and I talked about this on a on a different episode, but me having one people-pleasing tendencies, so I did not want to disappoint anybody when I was younger. I didn't want to disappoint my mom, my dad, my teachers, my coaches, my friends, whatever it was, I did not want to disappoint anybody. And I think that this has kind of carried over into my life now. And I'm now in this spot where I have coaches and I have mentors, and I care more about disappointing them than I do myself. For example, I'll I have a business mentor and I'll set like we set like monthly goals, we have like KPIs, we have to turn in and all of these things. And if I don't hit my quote unquote goal, I am more scared or fearful or more worrisome about what they're going to say because I don't want them to be disappointed in me because I didn't achieve the goal. It's less about me being disappointed in myself. Even though I still am disappointed in myself, I think that it almost like takes the pressure off of me if I know that somebody else could potentially be disappointed in me. But the reality is, is these people could give a hoot less if I reach my goal or not. And it all just comes down to me. And so this immense amount of pressure that I'm constantly putting on myself is just wearing on me mentally, honestly, and physically too, because I do feel like I am the root cause of so much of my stress because I put so much pressure and stress on myself to hit XYZ goal to make sure that I do this thing every single day, which is great. Like we have non-negotiables that we need to do, but I do think a lot of the times the reasoning for me, the reasoning behind me doing some of the things that I do is because I just need to be constantly doing something. And something that I I keep I say that I'm working on, but yet I haven't actually made any steps

Solitude And Creating More Than Consuming

SPEAKER_00 3:38

to doing it. So it would be a lie of just sitting and reflecting and sitting in solitude. And I think that solitude was a big goal of mine, and I just remember that today, reflecting as we've gone six months throughout the year already. I was reflecting in my head, okay, what was something that I really, really wanted to focus on and prioritize, and that was spending more time in solitude. Now, spending time in solitude means yes, alone, and also not being distracted by phone, podcast, whatever it is. And I found myself these past couple weeks just wanting to have something on while I'm cooking, while I'm eating, like always having something in my head, always something coming in. And a big thing for me that I want to be able to do is to be able to put more time and energy and focus into creating, like I'm doing right now, instead of consuming. But you can't create unless you stop consuming. And so creation comes from sitting in that, but being present and actually being able to experience all the little life things that life has to offer. I mean, this past weekend was so so so awesome for me. My breast breast, my best friend moved back, like she lives 15 minutes away from me instead of three hours, which is amazing. So hung out with her. We got to go, or she came over here, I cooked dinner, we had a great time. She we I realized I didn't have anything for my booth because I was doing this little booth at the there was like a fit fest, and so I had a booth, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I don't have anything for this. So we got this sign made. We went to Walmart, Target, Walgreens. Target didn't have what I needed, so then I had to go to Walmart. Walmart had it. This was all at like 10 o'clock at night. So I didn't go to bed till like 11, woke up at 5 the next morning, so got like maybe I think I went to bed at 12 actually, maybe like five and a half hours of sleep, if that. So then that whole day, that was a great day. Like I love putting myself in situations where I'm out in the community talking to people, like just connecting on a deeper level that's not so okay, online because what I do a lot of it is online, and so I kind of just like get so burnt out of just being alone, not having that human interaction, that human connection, and I was slightly dreading it because I hadn't done it before, and also because I was just nervous about it because I hadn't done it before, and it was just different than what everybody else had because I am more of an online service. People kept asking me like where I was located, and I was like online. So I kind of had this imposter syndrome in going into it, but during and after, I felt so great, I felt so fulfilled, I guess could be the word. And so just wanting to do more things where I can put myself in a community aspect like that. I love community, I crave community. I've said this so so so many times in my podcast, but I really do, and I really feel my best when I'm engulfed in a community, and not just online, more so in person. So that was a big thing for me. And then that day I was supposed to go to the gym, but I was just so zonked, honestly, from that. And then I got, I think I got my groceries that day. Yeah, I got my groceries that day, and then I just chilled out, honestly, on the couch. I was kind of just like trying to prepare myself, get the house in order before I went to the next day, which the next day we got up. I got up at four, four in the morning that day, and drove to where my sister lives because we went wedding dress shopping, and I did find my dress exciting. Also, I know I don't have my ring on. I sometimes forget. If I don't ever leave the house, like because I'm bored from home and I forget to have it, I'm like, oh shoot. So that's why I don't have it on because I just forget, and then I want it to like stay shiny and clean, so that's why I don't have it. Anyways, here nor there, went winning, dress shopping. It was great. I just had like the most fulfilling weekend, and I can't really quite put my finger on why, and I think it was just because I was so present, and I think that I just need to keep coming back to that present. I do need to have playtime. I keep telling myself, like, oh, you can work as much as you want, like, you need to work, you need to work, you need to work. But in reality, like, I need play, I need time to just chill and be able to talk to people and community with people. Like, I don't know why I sit here and feel like I need to push really hard, but then I tell my clients, like, hey, you actually need to go have fun, you need to have a life, you need to have hobbies. But yeah, I'm not even doing that myself, and it's something that I've been working on. I've been working on it for a really, really, really long time. It's also very difficult. I feel like what I do is very niche, and not a lot of people understand what I do, and so trying to connect with people on that is difficult as well. But I have so many friends, like pretty much dang near all of my friends are not all, but I guess I would say like half of my friends are like entrepreneurs. We kind of all do the same type of things, not fitness related, but our own little niches, and so we're all kind of have the same struggles, which helps me feel a little bit more like seen in her, but there's not very many people, if any, that do kind of like the same thing I do as far as coaching and content, having an online presence, and that is something that is difficult. I know I can name like two to three people at most, just from where I live. And so when I actually went to Austin a couple weeks ago, it's cool because you're surrounded by people who are doing the exact same things as you, so like you just feed off that energy, but then when you get back, you kind of feel kind of feel like lonely because I don't have that peace, if that makes sense. Anyways, I digress. There is no real topic of this podcast. We're just kind of reflecting on the year, kind of what's gone on, and what's to hold for the next, you know, few six months that will fly by so incredibly fast. I just know it.

Midyear Reflection And Simple Aims

SPEAKER_00 9:56

And the biggest thing that I want you to take away from this this episode is like if you are somebody like myself that's constantly striving for the next best thing, you you hit a goal and you don't even recognize, you don't even celebrate, you just are automatically on to the next. Like myself, I want to encourage you to spend time reflecting. I think that we are so consumed with what's on our phone, with getting to the next task that we really stop, we hesitate to forget that what we actually need to do is sit and reflect and journal. So I honestly wrote out a bunch of questions for myself so that I could reflect on them. And I know like everybody thinks probably that probably like what I do is very woo-woo and silly and crazy, but I'm just I want you to not be so like out of touch with your inner who you really are. And I think that comes down to slowing down, being able to drown out the noise, being able to take a step back from social media and from constantly go, go, going. And it's hard for me because I do feel like I am somebody who is addicted to my phone because my phone is also my lifeline to my clients, and I post content, and this is where I communicate with people, I help people, and so it's just something that I have a hard time setting boundaries with. And so something like for myself, and like there's a hair in my mouth. Maybe that's something that you can also do is just setting clear cut boundaries, like for myself. I find myself at if I wake up at six o'clock in the morning, I'm ready to work. If I if it's nine o'clock at night, I'm ready to work. And it's like I need boundaries to be able to like put on these different hats of being the being the fiance and being the sister and the daughter and like all of these other little things that I know I need to be, and I can't just constantly be consumed with work, with go-go going. And I know there's a lot of women out here, out there who struggle with kind of the same things that I do. And so just wanna just want to throw it out there that like we are all way more alike than we than you probably think. And if you're going through something guaranteed that I'm also probably going through a similar situation like that. So, like I said, really would take some time to reflect on past year and maybe even set some like tiny, not even goals, but just like aims. Because I think if you're like myself, you get frustrated, you get mad, you get hard on yourself, down on yourself if you don't reach the goal. If you don't reach the goal in the specific time frame that you want. And so for myself, I am gonna set like definite aims. So things that I can definitely do, definitely make happen without a shadow of the doubt. So that's what I'm gonna be doing. But as far as reflecting on the year, you can ask yourself just like or the past, the first half of the year, just asking yourself some simple questions of did I do the things that I really wanted to do? Have I done any of the things that I set out to do at the beginning of the year? Have I shown up in the way that I want to? Have I been actually doing my non-negotiables that I said I was going to do? And since we are in like a new quarter as well, I also look things as like quarterly. And so just reflecting on like the past three months or like three month chunks would be better than like a whole six month, can also do that. I find that helps a lot as well. But really just like breaking it down, and from like a business entrepreneur standpoint, I'm breaking down okay, how was my content? My my what's what's like what am I thinking of? My content, my conversations with people, like how were all of these things and really reflecting on all of that. Now, if we're thinking more of like a personal level, kind of like what I said on did I do the non-negotiables? Have I even started, say I set a goal? Have I even started to implement the little things I know that I need to do to get there? Do I even know what the little actionable steps are? Because I think a lot of times people set way too lofty of goals, and then they realize that the little things that they're doing, or they don't even know what the little things they need to be doing are, or they set a goal that's completely out of reach, not sustainable, not maintainable, and then get really defeated when it doesn't happen. So is it actually achievable for you? And it may help, you know, okay, say you have like a fitness plan or goal that you're trying to reach, say you want to lose 15 pounds in the next or 20 pounds in the next six months. Do you have everything in order that you need to have to be able to do that? Have you tracked, have you audited your current lifestyle? Okay, how many steps am I actually getting a day? How much food am I actually eating? How much water am I actually getting steps? Like, where is it that I can see what I'm doing so that I know where I need to improve? And so this comes back down to like the data. Okay, where does the data lie? Without data, we cannot make any actual steps going forward. We can't guess. We need all of the resources and we need all of the tools and data that we can get so that we can actually set a plan, set a goal, set a goal first, set a plan, actual plan, monthly, weekly, daily things you need to be doing to make sure that you do achieve that goal. But data has to come first and then all the little other chunks. Maybe it's not even like a goal like that. Maybe it's just a character. Like who do you want to be character-wise? And is your core values, for example? Do you have core values that you have? Are you living by these core values? If not, and I know I talked about this in the last episode, but if not, then that's something that you can also be working towards, having goals, working towards

The Thing You’re Avoiding

SPEAKER_00 16:16

those. The last thing that I really want to say, because I feel like I'm just going on a tangent right now, is if you're not where you want to be, where is it or what's the thing that you're avoiding? Because I think a lot of the times we think we're doing everything right, but there's usually one underlying thing that we're probably avoiding. We just don't want to admit it. And it could be very, very simple. It could simply be just asking for help by X person because you're scared, you don't hurt their feelings, you don't want them to feel like you're asking for too much, whatever it is, there's probably something that you're avoiding. And I think that this is like the big shift that you could have. And I really, really love this saying of you're always one decision or one choice away from changing the trajectory of your life. And I think this goes for literally anything. You have no clue how much one action that you're avoiding that you're scared of could change everything else in your life. Even if it seems scary, even if it seems silly, even if it seems crazy. Think about it like that. So I want you to just reflect, okay, what am I avoiding? What am I currently choosing? What am I not changing that I know I need to change? Because so many of us get in our head of like, I should be here, I should be here, I should be here. Okay, what are you actually doing on a day-by-day basis that is keeping you stuck? Because it has to be something. Something is always going to be keeping you stuck if you're not over that hump that you feel like you're at. And another thing too is like, it is okay to reach out and ask for help. I think so many women get it in their head that I don't need help, I'm independent, I can do it on my own. Or not only that, that they're like embarrassed of seeking out help from another woman because they don't want to be seen as inferior. There is, there was something that I was reading in my book, and it was like talking about competition, and it was saying how we compare ourselves to others because we eat either one want to feel superior, or one, we want to feel inferior because the inferiority will make us feel better. So it's like kind of like this like there's two sides of the coin, like you compare yourself to everybody else because you want to be, you want to make yourself feel better about the situation and you want to feel higher, like you're better than this person, or you put yourself in inferiority positions where there's people that you feel like are better than you. So you bring yourself down to make you to make yourself feel worse. So, two sides of the coin, and I thought that was a really cool thing that I read in what's the book that I'm reading? What's that called? The courage to be disliked. I highly recommend everybody read that. It's kind it so it kind of goes back and forth between it's like youth and a philosopher. And so basically the youth is saying how like he starts out by talking about how his friend like is literally can't get out of his house to like go do things, and the philosopher is like, you can literally change your circumstance at any point, you're in charge of your own life, and basically a lot of it is about like the victim mentality and just you being able to actually have a cur the courage and a say in how your life actually is. You are in charge of every single thing in your life, and if you're constantly like going back to the past, dwelling on the past, then you're not ever going to be able to break past that. And so honestly, too, just like changing the identity. So that is a really good book. I've only like halfway in, so I can't really tell you. That was just like the first thing that popped in my head that I remembered what had happened in it and how it kind of translated into what we're talking about. But I feel like it was a good point to mention. And I am somebody who is highly competitive in this chapter, kind of like slowed me down because I feel like I and I noticed myself doing this the other day specifically at where was I? I was at the pool, and I was just like just sitting there. I caught myself judging every single person that I saw. Just trying to, trying to make myself seem like I talked, like I just said, more superior than that person for what? I don't know them. I don't, I don't care, I don't even know what they're doing, I don't know who they are, whatever. But I just sat there finding myself in this like comparison trap the whole time. And I realized I was like, I compare myself to literally everybody. And it is such a toxic thing to do because why? Like, what's the point? I understand if it is maybe somebody that I look up to and like almost seeing it as like, okay, I need to work hard so that I can get to their level. But at the same time, like I would rather sit here and compare myself to myself than myself to other people who I don't even know. It's just so weird. It was so weird to me that I felt this way. But I was really glad that I caught onto it because I was like, okay, if you're judging other people, you're judging yourself so harshly. And that's truly what it is. Like, if you find that you are extremely judgmental with yourself and self critical, like I am with myself, you're probably judging other people way too much. And I and I do. And it's just like a subconscious pattern that I need to break. So now that I'm more conscious and more aware of it, I can stop myself and be like, okay, why am I doing this? And it it simply comes down to because I am self-critical, competitive, judgmental of myself that I feel like I need to portray that onto other people. And it's like it's not a competition. We're all out here just trying to trying to compete to live our best lives. So why would I try to sit here and compete to with somebody on their life and compare our lifestyles? It just it just doesn't make sense. And I I think I am so competitive and that's why I do this. But also like it doesn't need to make sense. I just I caught myself in that too. I just need to sit here and realize, okay, this is the pattern. I noticed it. The first step is awareness, obviously. And now it's okay, how can I catch myself in every time and redirect? That is the big shift that a lot of us need to have in any aspect of our life. It could be any sort of mental mindset things going on, is being aware, catching yourself, redirecting every single time. So now that I know when I sit here and I compare myself to somebody else, redirect or like judge somebody else, redirect. Why am I judging them? Or becoming aware, okay, why am I doing this? And then redirecting. I don't need to judge them. But I do feel like, like I said, a lot of this comes down to the self-criticism aspect.

Stop Forcing Positivity, Feel It

SPEAKER_00 23:18

And last thing I'll talk about, and I know I'm just keep rambling on at this point, but that's basically what these episodes are supposed to be about, unless I have like a structured theme, which I'm gonna record another one after this so that I can get to out for this week. But here nor there is I am just so hard on myself in the sense of like if I don't get to where I want to be, I'm upset, or when I'm feeling bad about a situation, I sit there and I dwell on it and I put myself in this rut. And but I think that I'm I'm hard on myself for being in a rut when in reality, if I just let myself be in the rut, feel myself being in the rut, being like, okay, it's fine, it's temporary, like I'm gonna get out of this instead of just trying to like force myself out of it, feel so much better. Actually, one of my friends was like, What if you just like felt it and then that's it? Like, you don't need to try to like be forceful with it. And so one of my clients actually messaged me and I was like, girl, I'm just going, I was going through this exact same thing. And I want you to just feel it, feel bad, feel negative, have all the feelings. Don't try to sit there and force yourself to be positive because you think you need to be positive because you're being negative. Let yourself feel it because when you try to sit there and go like this, it makes it feel so much worse, so much harder to quote unquote get out of instead of if you just allowed yourself to feel the negativity, feel the angriness, feel the frustration, whatever it is, and then just simply move out of it. That's it's literally that simple. It doesn't need to be some complex thing. And realizing too that you're human, we're all human, we all go through all these different things. We have the ebbs and flows of seasons and emotions, and the more we try to like shove it down, force it down, the worse it feels. Actually, my mom called me last week, and she always has a way of making me cry for some reason. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it's like she knows that she knows that something's wrong, and then I just kind of like all of it comes out, and she's like, You're holding in way too much. And I was like, I know, I know I'm holding in way too much. And because I don't like to be seen, I don't like to be vulnerable, I don't like to let my emotions out, but like if you suppress them, it makes you feel worse. And I honestly felt so much better after I cried. Like the rest of the week went great. My attitude was better, even my attitude this week is so much better. So I'm just grateful that I was able to just like let it go, let it out, instead of just trying to like numb it and push it in and bring it

Faith, Gratitude, And Goodbye

SPEAKER_00 25:53

in. So, anyways, I know this was a long-winded episode, but I just wanted to get some things off my chest, obviously, heart-to-heart conversation. But if you're struggling or dealing with any of these similar things, know that I'm here for you and love you, and everything always works out for the greater good, even if we can't always see it. And that's on believing in God and having faith in God that things will work out, even if it's not on our timeline, but we still have to be obedient and do the things that we need to do in order for God to make that happen. So hope you guys enjoyed. I always love coming on here and yapping, and I'll see you in the next episode. See ya.