Who Are You Becoming Through Hard Days?

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Transcript

Life Update And What’s On My Mind

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello guys, welcome back to the podcast. This week's topic episode, we're really just gonna be talking about a bunch of different things that I have on my mind because I feel like I need to talk about them and just kind of like what's going on in my life, and also just things that have come up this week, things that I've been working through as a person, as an entrepreneur, as a person who is trying to grow closer to God. So let's just start off with taxes. Obviously, today, as I'm recording this, is tax day, and this is the first time that I've ever had to actually pay in on taxes, and actually it was like a whopping$7,000, and then on top of that, paying like quarterly estimated payments. Now, I'm not gonna complain because if you would have asked me two years ago, if I would have been here now, I would have literally laughed in your face. And I just want to do a quick little reflection because two years ago, I was on the verge of quitting my nine to five job that I had only had for I think nine months, and I was just contemplating going back and forth, thinking like worst case scenario, best case scenario. At the time, I was living with my mom, and so I didn't have to pay rent, I didn't have any like really big expenses, and so I had a major belief in myself that I could and would be successful on my own and working for myself. I kind of had this like aha moment of I really don't want to be working for somebody else. I don't want to be marketing somebody else when I can market in my own strengths and actually go after something that I'm passionate about and good at. And so that's when I decided, okay, I'm going to quit my job. And that job was a great starter job for me. It was my first job out of college. It was, you know, a nine-to-five job, and it helped pay for my bodybuilding, it helped me do things that I wanted to do, and it was a good start, but it was just not something that I could see myself doing a long for a long time. And fortunately and unfortunately, I did not want to work my way up a corporate ladder. That was just not something that was in the cards for me. I could not see myself doing that. Ultimately, I wanted to go pursue my own passion while also being able to have time freedom. That was really big to me was I want to have time freedom. I want to work from home, I want to be able to do things on my own time. And sometimes I get so caught up in the mundane day-to-day things that I don't fully appreciate where I'm at and where my feet are. And it's it's been a long time coming, and I'm still still working on being exactly where my feet are. And that's really hard to do because as a high achiever, and if you're probably listening to this, if you're listening to this, then you are also probably a high achiever. It's like you're always wanting the next best thing. What you have now is not enough whenever you would have literally died to get not really, but died or killed to get where you are now. And I just I just keep going back to anytime I've faced with uncertainty or like hard times like paying ten thousand dollars in one day. I'm like, okay, girl, look at you two years ago. You probably no, not probably, you would not even have had that much money to give. And I don't like to make things about money like I I don't at all, but just thinking about oh my gosh, I would have gone in a spiral. And don't get me wrong, I did spiral when I found out how much I owed in taxes. I spiraled, I cried for like a whole day, and I talked about this in another podcast episode. But it's just hard because nobody prepares you for that and nobody tells you these things as an entrepreneur, and it is stressful, it is stressful to have to worry about money, and I'm I'm thankful that I have the means to be able to do that, but like I wouldn't have had I not taken the chance on myself, and I think it was really hard. I just want to go back to that moment two years ago. It was really hard in the moment I was scared. I was asking so many people for opinions. I was asking my sister, my mom, and you know, they say they believed in me, but like they've never they've never seen what it's like to at 22 years old quit a job and go full-time on a business. They don't know what that's like, and so they were just betting on me and the belief they had inside of me because they didn't do that. My mom is a business owner, she has two of her own businesses, but it's not like she didn't have stability, and the only way I had stability really was because I was living with my mom and I didn't have much money to my name at all. Like I went out on a lamb and I took a chance on myself, and it was very lonely. And I think that's a lot of the piece that people don't understand of like I had to go through probably a year and a half period where I didn't have any hobbies, and it was it was very lonely, it was very very depressing, I would say, in the sense of the only thing that I was focused on was like growing something so that I could have more of a more quote unquote balance one day. And I feel like I'm actually now at a spot where I can have a little bit more quote unquote balance because I have, you know, busted my ass. Brock and I lived an hour away, I would hardly ever go visit him, and that kind of put a strain on our relationship, and it still does to this day because he's out pursuing his what he wants to do, and I'm pursuing what I want to do, and so we still have difficulty of like I will get upset of like, oh my gosh, he's he's working so hard on X goal and like I'm working so hard on mine, and I'm like, we're not even giving and giving each other enough attention, and it's just a it's just something that's been on my mind recently, but just like working through that and making sure that we are working on spending time together, even if it's small little things, like me going with him to the golf course. Like, do I actually want to do that? No, but it is important for me to want to spend time with him, and so I do that. And my love language is quality time, his is acts of service, and so he'll ask me, like, hey, you wanna you wanna go golfing? And like in my head, I'm like, no, I don't, like, I won't actually golf, but I'll sit in there and just hang out with him while he does. And in my head, I'm like, no, I don't want to do that. I want to do something that I want to do, and I'm like, I have to like pick and choose my battles, and sometimes it's okay, I have to do this even I got I have to go do this even though I don't really want to be doing that, but I do want to spend time with him, so it's like there's always gonna be something that you don't quote unquote want to do, but it's like I have to do this for my own sanity, for my own well-being, and that's what I've had to realize. But going back to two years ago, I know I keep going back to that, but I it was so hard for me. I was so torn. Like I said, I had my sister and my mom, they were helping me throughout that journey just like get through that, and plus I was also working coaching underneath somebody else, and so like I was having to quit that, and I didn't want to hurt their feelings, and it was just a lot of me caring so much about the other person's feelings instead of my own, and it really put me into this very nervous system shock mode, and I will say that I still go through spurts of that of just like random things, and I have just felt so tested and in so many different ways that I can't explain, and but I feel like every time I get tested, it makes me stronger. So each time I'm tested, I kind of like shut down, but then I remember like this is supposed to happen for a reason, it's supposed to make me stronger, and once I can pull myself out of the oh my gosh, this is happening, this is bad, and more into this is happening for a reason, and just like remembering that, I feel like every single time that I do deal with something that's harder and resolving conflict essentially, I get stronger from it. And I I it doesn't take me as long to be like, okay, this is just part of it. I just kind of have quickly been able to identify this is part of it, this is like don't take this personal, and then move through it quicker because I've had more instances of it. And so I know there's always gonna be battles to be fought, especially when it comes to, yeah, me being an entrepreneur, me owning a business. There's always things, and I don't talk about these things a lot just because I don't know who can understand, I don't know who can relate, but I just want to shed light on it because there are a lot of young entrepreneurs. I have friends that run their own businesses and we all have different niches that we run our businesses under, but I I can see like their struggles too. And I'm like, okay, I'm not alone. Like one of my friends, she's trying to hire somebody on, and I'm like, that's so cool. I want that for myself someday. And I think it really is exciting to see my friends doing big things and like surrounding myself with my friends who are, you know, at a higher level than me, doing better than me, and it pushes me to do better. And so while yes, I'm always constantly, you know, striving and wanting more and trying to also be where my feet are, it's also nice to have that push of like, oh, they're doing this, like if they're capable of it, then I'm also capable of it. And so it's so good to have a friend group of people that are pushing me towards where I want to go. And this is just something that I've been thinking of recently. But like if you have people in your life that don't share the same values as you, if you're if you're setting out on a journey of like, I want to, I want to get healthier, I want to lose weight, I want to stop these habits that are keeping me stuck, and all the people around you are still stuck in those habits, you are going to have to have the hard conversation of, hey, like these are my goals, this is what I want to do, or you're just going to have to man up and you're gonna have to be the one in the room that looks like the oddball. Circa 2022, 2023, when Brock and I first kind of were in the beginning stages of our relationship, I hung out with him and his friends and family, and all they did was drink. It was like drink, drink, drink, drink, drink every weekend. And I personally sat out, sat it out. And I was around it, but I would not let myself partake in it because I was so disciplined. And you may you may say that's crazy. You may say that's unhealthy, but for me, that's what I wanted at that point. It was important for me to take care of my body, and I didn't feel like being getting shit-faced drunk just for the next day, my whole next day to be ruined and to feel like crap. Like you, you feel so mentally poor the next day. I don't care what you say. You have brain fog, you don't feel the best. Like, there's so many things that you feel, but all that being said, is like if you're if you are gonna partake on a fitness journey, because this is when I was first starting with my coach, and I was, I just felt so like out of out of the norm because I was eating so healthy. Like I was sticking to my meal plan, I was eating my rice and my beef and my chicken, and I was not drinking alcohol, and I was drinking water, and like I was the oddball. Everyone was ordering pizza, and like I was just the one that was like not partaking in it. And it wasn't because like I'm better than you, it was like I have these goals and I want them, but it became hard. And I think Brock finally kind of caught caught along to like caught along, is that the word I want to say? Caught up to what I was doing and how I was taking care of my body. And he was like, Oh, maybe like I should start this. And you will start to notice that you will rub off on the people. Now, I am a little bit of a bitch, I will own that I'm a bitch. Um, I'm rude. I'm like, why are you eating that? Like, why don't you eat what I eat? Like, I say these things, and it comes from a passion of not of like trying to be rude. I'm just like, why? Like, why why would you want to put that in your body when you're sitting here like complaining about how your whole Sunday is wasted? And finally you started to catch on. And then he started to pour his energy into something that was more meaningful to him, like golf. And he was stop drinking. Like our relationship just got so much better when we were both started on a on a similar path. And no, it wasn't him pursuing a fitness coaching career, but it was him pursuing a passion that he likes and enjoys, but also he trying to get better at and compete at. And so that can be his livelihood. And when we both started kind of going down a path of similar roads, then like he's holding me to a high standard. I'm holding him to a high standard. And it's just it's healthy for your relationship to have not competition, but just like healthy pushing and standards of each other. And so I really think that if your significant other or if your friends do not have the same standards as you, then you need to find new ones. And that may sound harsh, and you may be like, Hadley, you're actually insane. Am I insane or do I just want better for myself? And at the end of the day, that's what it comes down to of like if you want yourself to be better in all aspects of life, it does come down to the sum of the five people that you are closest with. And I can think of the five people that I talk to the most, and I can think that they are all very much high achievers and they are striving for something that's bigger than themselves. And they're not overweight and they're not unhealthy, and they exceed, exceed, succeed. I don't know if it's exceed, excel. They excel in their careers and they're successful. And those are the people that I genuinely want to be around because they push me to be a better human. And I think this goes back into complacency too. I cannot stand the complacency or just the like victim or the poor me or just listen. If you get if you take anything away from this episode, it's gonna be F-I-F-O. Figure it the fuck out. If something comes upon you, it is in your duty, in your best interest to figure it the F out. Okay. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard not to cuss to get better at cussing, but figure it the freak out, okay? There's gonna be so many times in your life where you are faced with adversity and hardship and something is not going to go your way, and you thought it was gonna be X Way, you thought this well, guess what? Life is not fair. There's nothing fair about life in general, and you're gonna make mistakes and you're gonna learn from them. And I I literally think that everything happens for a reason, whether I can see it or not. And if you can adopt this mindset of obviously, yes, you need to be cautious about the things that you're doing and the things you're investing in, the people you're hanging around with, but like at the end of the day, events in your life are there for you to take away from them, to have a lesson, to learn from them, to get better. No matter if you can see it in the moment or not, or if you see it 10, 15 years from now, everything's teaching you a lesson. I have conversations with people all the time of like they want to do this, they want to do that, and something happens and something tragic happens that they aren't able to carry it out. And I'm like, okay, what is this teaching you right now? Like, how is this lesson right now going to, or how is this certain thing right now going to teach you a lesson that you can look back on and say, wow, I'm so glad that I went through that so that I could build, build the mindset and the capacity that I'm at now. So that's kind of what happened in my mind recently, the last last week. I feel like this week is kind of testing me, just and I will say this, just when things are feeling good, things are running smooth, I'm like, oh, something happens. And it's not like it's bad inherently. There's nothing bad or good that happens, it's just something that triggered me in an emotional way, and I didn't like it. And so therefore, it feels quote unquote bad. And but I'm not gonna let that happen. And something that I keep referring back to, and I want to get one of those bracelets, but the like WWJD, like, what would Jesus do? I'm always thinking, okay, how would I have been recently like the past three days? I'm like, how how would Jesus handle this? What would he do? And I've actually been turning into my Bible of like, okay, turning into my Bible and just searching for some kind of comfort or ease for the feelings that I'm feeling, feeling this that I'm feeling for the feeling that I am feeling or the emotion that I'm experiencing, and just looking for a sign of okay, how how can I handle this situation? And just reading the scripture of how would Jesus respond to this situation? He would be kind, he would be graceful, but he would also show you that tough love and show you that being obedient, being obedient to him and being obedient to what you have, what you have been called to do and what you have actually committed to do is something that you should have to follow through. Like your word is your follow-through, and just thinking about this in so many different aspects of life. And then also too, I've noticed myself just patterns. I'm just talking about patterns and things that I'm noticing within myself, so that maybe you can notice them within yourself too, is just getting so annoyed of like when I have to do the dishes, when I have to do the laundry, when I'm taking care of the house, of Brock, of like all of these things. And instead of being annoyed or frustrated, like it is my duty to take care of the people and the things that I love. It's my duty to take care of the home and make sure that it's clean. And if I'm being like annoyed while I'm doing this, like my energy behind it is bad, then it's it's just frustrating because it's like then you're letting this let this negative energy out onto everybody else. Then I'm pouring it out onto Brock, and then he feels like, wow, does she even really care about me? And I do. It's just like the little things that I feel myself getting annoyed with, and I'm like, wow, how can I change my perspective to what how big of a blessing it is that Brock and I can live together after so many years of going long distance. And now that we are living together, I'm complaining about it when in reality I should be so grateful that I'm here folding his clothes, that I'm doing the dishes, that I'm cooking the food, so that we can have all these things, and that he's out providing for us and our family so that we have this house. We have the nice things. And I just sometimes get so caught up in my own head, my own way, that I'm not fully present and being content in what I'm doing. And I think it's just something that I'm working through. And like today he was like, It is so hot whenever you cook me food and when you do whenever you put my laundry away. And like, that's like what I love. Like, that is his love language, and he loves that. And then it makes him have more positive energy towards me, and so just finding ways to compliment each other in that way of okay, he he really likes this. I need to continue doing this, and then it'll make him want to show more affection towards me and want to spend more quality time with me because I am I am what's the word I'm looking for? I am reflecting his love language, if that makes sense. I am doing what his love language is, so therefore he will do it back. And it it is reciprocal, like the relationship aspect doesn't mean it has to be 50-50. I think there's gonna be times where it's like 40-60, 50-50, 2080, 1090, 100-0. And I think that's just a part of relationships and being in them. And I know I'm talking about so many different things right now, but I think the podcast is just a lot of me getting getting my brain dump out. This is a lot of why I do like to the podcast, but also too because I want it to be where other people can come and sit and reflect and maybe think about some of these same things that I'm dealing with, and maybe you can relate to that, relate to it and kind of take some of the tools and takeaways that I have and apply them to your own life and situations. So yeah, I think that's all I have for my rant today. Oh, one thing that I did want to share is like last night was the first night that I prayed for Brock and me, like out loud, and I really liked it. And so we're gonna start a tradition. I want him to start praying, but I think it's gonna just be like he's gonna have to get comfortable with me doing it first because you know, it is something that we're both really trying to do. Like, he's in a Bible study, I'm in a Bible study, and we're both really working towards our faith. And it's super exciting to be able to do that, the both of us, and really put God at the center of our relationship. And I think it's gonna help us flourish even more. And I've already feel like I've been seeing positive. Changes from it, so anyways, if I can pray for anybody, DM me and I will pray for you. But I'll just do a quick little prayer. Dear God, thank you for this day that you've given me. Thank you for allowing me to have a voice to speak to people and to help roll help them relate to me, and just giving them insights of my life. And I pray that you watch over all that, all those who listen and know that they're not alone and that God is with them all the time and that they will lean into you whenever they are experiencing pain, discomfort, whenever life is good, and that they will just put all their trust into you, Lord, during times of certainty and uncertainty, and everything in between, because building a relationship with you is everything, and I can attest to that. So in Jesus' name, amen. Alright, guys, I'll see you in the next episode. If you like this, share it. Reach out to me, tell me your thoughts about it. I really like hearing your guys' takeaway. All right, love you, bye.