Heart to Heart with Hads

Why You're Addicted to Starting Over (and how to fix it!)

• Hadlea Shaw

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Why we're addicted to starting over and how this cycle prevents us from achieving our goals. Our tendency to restart every Monday or at the beginning of months creates a false sense of progress while actually keeping us stuck in the same patterns.

• Identifying with struggle gives us an excuse to avoid the pressure of success
• The clean slate feeling is addictive but creates fake momentum rather than real progress
• Discipline takes longer than a month to build and requires consistency through boredom
• Lacking clarity about what we truly want makes it easier to quit when things get difficult
• Taking ownership of our actions instead of blaming external circumstances is essential
• Confusing planning and restarting with actual progress keeps us from execution
• Breaking promises to ourselves damages self-trust and leads to more self-sabotage
• Making decisions based on fleeting emotions rather than commitments holds us back
• Discipline isn't restrictive—it's actually freeing because it aligns actions with goals
• There's no perfect Monday coming—only today matters

Don't be addicted to starting over. Keep staying in it when things get hard.


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Speaker 1:

Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Heart Tart with had. Today we're just going to jump right into it because we've got a lot to discuss, but the main thing, the main topic we're talking about here is to is about why you're addicted to starting over, and a lot of us are addicted to starting over on a Monday. Or we'll start at the new month, or we'll start here, start over here, and the reality is is that's, that's what's holding you back? So we're going to talk about why, why this comes up, why you act like this and how to end it. So number one talking point here is you low-key, like the struggle, and I think a lot of people like the struggle.

Speaker 1:

You know how, whenever somebody asks you, okay, like how are you doing? And you're like, oh good, or somebody compliments you, you're like oh good, but. Or somebody compliments you and you're like, thanks, I know, I'm not whatever, instead of just actually taking that compliment. I know that's not a struggle, but it kind of is, because whenever you associate or somebody asks you or I don't know what this is making sense, but hopefully it kind of does. But whenever you are dealing with something or somebody asks you for something, and you're like, oh, how are you doing your moping around? I do this all the time. So I'm like, oh, are you OK? And I'm like, yeah, but I'm tired today.

Speaker 1:

But, like, I always find something to pick out that's negative, that's a struggle, when in reality, like, everything's fine, I'm just finding something because I want that, that sort of attention or that sort of like sympathy. And the thing is is like you're you, you define yourself, you identify with the struggle. You're just gonna continuously keep making that happen. So stop making yourself be or have like a struggle. Even if, like, even if you are struggling, like, stop making it about the struggle. Sorry, that was just kind of rude Like, but it's for real. Anyways, struggling gives you a sense of identity. If you're struggling, you never have to have the pressure of winning. And this is so true because winning is something that is hard. And when we get to the top, or we get to where we want to be, when we're winning in whatever it is winning in life or winning in our job or we constantly want to pick out a struggle, even if everything's going right, we think that we need to pick something out, pick out a struggle, and the reality is we just don't need to be doing that. The struggle keeps you safe from change, because that requires responsibility. Change requires some sort of responsibility, and if you're not willing to make that change within yourself, then you're just letting yourself down. You're not holding yourself responsible or accountable for the things that you need to be doing. So that's my last little tangent on that.

Speaker 1:

The next thing, too, is you're obsessed with that clean slate feeling that comes up every single Monday or every single new year. Monday is your drug Hitting. Restart feels productive, but it's actually just fake momentum. It feels so much easier to restart than to just stay consistent through that messy middle. Let me repeat that again it's easier to restart than to just stay consistent in the messy middle. You mess up, say for example, you mess up your eating on a Thursday. So instead of just making a better choice at the next meal, you just binge all weekend because you're like oh it's Thursday, friday, saturday, sunday is coming around and I can just restart on Monday. That's the exact reason you're stuck and you're not making progress in any of your goals. This can be anything like this doesn't have to be fitness related, but seriously, come on. You want that dopamine hit of a fresh start, more than the boring work of just fixing it right now. That's the harsh reality that we all need to sit with, because the thing about it is is that clean slate feeling, that fresh start feeling. The more that you rewire and or the more that you keep doing that, week after week after week, the more that just becomes who you are, that becomes your identity, that becomes the thing that you continuously do. So, anyways, that's just my take on that. All right, let's get into the.

Speaker 1:

Let's get into number three. You don't have real discipline yet. That's the hard truth. You're not. You're not disciplined yet. You say you are because you have been for a month, but the reality is it takes longer than a month to build up a foundation of discipline. You're great when you're motivated, but the thing is is motivation is ever fleeting Like? Motivation is never going behind. This whole week I've not been motivated to do a damn thing, for whatever reason. I'm not quite sure. But just because I'm not motivated doesn't mean I didn't make it happen. So you're great when you're motivated, but when it gets, but not when it gets boring. So you have to keep continuing that momentum whenever things get boring, for example, deep down, you think what if I give it my all and then it still doesn't work, like you give it your all for one whole month and then it doesn't work? Quitting early is protecting you from finding out if it really works. It keeps you safe from disappointment.

Speaker 1:

Another thing, too you really lack clarity on what you're actually chasing. You have no real vision. Maybe you're basing your vision or ideas or the goals that you want off of things you see online or things that other people are doing, but deep down, you haven't actually sat with yourself, and especially in silence. You haven't actually sat down and thought about what you want. What is something that you really want? You haven't envisioned your future. You don't even know what you want that to look like. And until you can figure out what you want that to look like, you can't make decisions on the fly. You cannot do little things on the fly. You don't have a real vision that's bigger than the next week, the next seven days. Without a long-term identity shift, you're just going to keep living for short term emotion. The long-term change comes with long-term commitment, and if you're not willing to make that long-term commitment for the long-term change that you're after, then you're just not going to, you're not going to see that end goal, that end result, come to fruition. Result come to fruition.

Speaker 1:

Next thing you don't take ownership when you fall off. You simply blame everybody else around you, because that's easier than just than really taking ownership of yourself. You blame your schedule, your emotions, your job, your kids, whatever it is. You blame other people, but you don't actually take ownership or accountability for your actions. In your actions, your emotions, the way you react to things are the only things that you can control. So stop blaming on other people. That's not going to make anything better. Ownership means taking back your power, even when it's convenient, even when things don't go your way. And I'm not saying that you need to sit here and be perfect, but it's about being someone who actually finishes what they start. If you can finish what you start, that, for one, is going to build your confidence and, for two, you're not going to be wanting to start over every Monday because you've already have it built up to just keep showing up Even when you do fall. That's, that's the real shift, that's the biggest shift here.

Speaker 1:

Another thing is you love the idea of being someone new, but you literally hate the work that it takes to get there. For example, say you buy, you know you buy the new supplements, you buy the new workout clothes, you buy the new, the new journal, whatever it is, but three weeks in and then it's not fun anymore. It's been, it's monotonous, it's boring. You quit. You are chasing the feelings of change but not the reality of what it is. Because Because the reality is is change, is is boring, and if you can stick out and do the same thing every single time, then you will win.

Speaker 1:

Another thing, too, is you probably convince action with progress. You think like you, rewriting your workout plan 10 times but still not. Still don't feel like sticking to a single week of it. You think that's, that's progress, but it's not planning. Redoing and restarting feels like you're working, but you're just avoiding the execution of the boring and monotonous. Like I have already said so many new times, you haven't built proof with yourself yet either. You've broken promises to yourself so many times that you don't even trust that this time is going to be different. So you self-sabotage because it just feels easier to fail right now than be disappointed later. Let me say that again it's easier for you to fail now than to just be disappointed later.

Speaker 1:

And lastly but not leastly, which doesn't even make sense, you let all of your emotions make your decisions. Oh my gosh, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed. I can't do it, I can't stick to the plan because I'm so tired. So you just quit. You quit because these fleeting emotions that won't be there tomorrow or maybe in the next day, so you quit. But guess what? If you want to be successful, if you want to make progress towards your goals, it doesn't care how you feel, you still have to show up anyway. That's so cliche, but it's so true.

Speaker 1:

Another, instead of power. You think that discipline is rigid and boring and restricted, but when in reality, discipline is literally the most freeing feeling that you'll ever, that you'll ever have the most freeing thing you'll ever be able to build. So you haven't made yourself, your future you, actually your future self a non-negotiable. Yet the current you is always louder than the future you. Let me say that again the current you is always stuck in the current you. Until your future self matters more than your current comfort, you're just going to keep starting over. You're not tired of failing. You're tired of half-assing your life and wondering why nothing sticks. There's no perfect Monday. There's no perfect new month coming to save you. There's literally only today. Handle it. That's all I've got to say for today. So hope you guys liked my little notebook, my notebook thoughts this week and in the meantime, don't freaking be addicted to starting over. Keep staying in it when that shit's hard. Okay, all right, love you guys. Bye.