Heart to Heart with Hads

Ep. 27 | Your Perfectionist Mindset is Holding You Back

• Hadlea Shaw

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What if perfectionism is the very thing holding you back from achieving your dreams? Join me on Heart to Heart with Hads as I unravel how the quest for flawlessness often masks our fear of taking real action. This episode is your guide to embracing authenticity and stepping away from the illusion of perfection that social media often portrays. I share personal stories from my own journey, including updates on my fitness goals.

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Speaker 1:

Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Heart to Heart with Hads. Today we're talking about perfectionism and how sometimes it can be used as an excuse of like I'm not perfect so I don't have to do X, y, z, or like just there's a lot of, I feel like misconceptions around perfectionism. So we're gonna kind of just dive deep into that and kind of debunk it just a little bit and kind of just get my viewpoint on the perfectionism mindset. So yeah, but first let's do a little, just update on how the week's going, what's been going on with me, but yeah, so today I'm recording on a Wednesday, which is funsies, and this comes out on a Friday, but Wednesdays are my check-in days with my coach. So actually from last week's check-in to today, last week's check-in to today, I dropped 1.2 pounds. So woo go me because I'm in a little mini, mini fat loss phase which I think we're starting to reverse. Out of it. We are he responded back to my check-in to today and slowly increasing my food backup just to get my metabolism back going up and get me back into sort of like a building growing type of phase. But definitely doing a little mini fat loss phase cut is good to just help get your body in more like a insulin sensitive spot so that you can slowly reverse your food up, get into a good spot, get into a good building zone so that whenever you do, whenever I do decide to, you know, go back into a prep setting that my calories are already high and we have something good to work with. Also just monitoring my body composition to make sure that I'm not getting too, not gaining too much body fat. So that's kind of where we're at with me and my training and everything like that, obviously still training well, and yeah, that's pretty much the basics of it.

Speaker 1:

But this last weekend was fun. Actually, I've been spending a lot more time with people. I'm trying to get out of my isolation mindset and I think that's gonna help a lot with, like, my feelings of just loneliness. But yeah, so I've just got some things on my like to-do list to do, which is, which is fun and exciting, that I have some things to do like throughout the week, because I feel like that's when I really get in my lonely, loneliest times, because, like Brock and I, obviously we don't live together or even in the same town, and so I feel like I'm very, very like at the end of the night. It's like all right, what do I have to look forward to? Oh, nothing. My dog's here, you know. So if you're, if you're in that same boat which I've already talked times like, you're not alone, you just have to find something to do. So I've been trying to like brainstorm different things like book club, a run club, walk club or just like girls in general. Sorry, boys, you're not invited, but I think it'd be really cool. So I've been brainstorming. Hopefully I can come up with something, put something together within the next, you know, couple weeks, month, whatever, however long it takes. But I think it'd be so awesome to do so. I'm very excited about that to hopefully see that come to fruition. But yeah, that's pretty much all that's been going on with me.

Speaker 1:

Like I said, I had a good weekend, went out and had a nice steak dinner steak, sweet potato fries, and what else did I have? Caesar salad, a little bit of bread, some shrimp, and then I baked and I had some of that as well, and I got Brahms ice cream which I asked for chocolate chip cookie dough, and they gave me chocolate chip and I was like bffr. So we skirted back in there and brought one up there inside, because we went to the drive-thru and he taught me a cookie dough. Because, like, I took a first lick and I was like, wait, I know how cookie dough tastes and I was like, okay, maybe I just haven't the cookie dough yet. And I was like, no, this just don't even taste the same as the cookie dough ice cream. So, yeah, that was that, but I'm really glad that I did that and I think that can kind of feed into this perfectionism perfectionist episode that we're going to talk about.

Speaker 1:

I think that, because I have a social media presence and I am an online coach, I help females live better, healthier lifestyles, help them lose body fat, gain muscle, gain confidence, help with their hormones, gut issues, whatever. It may be that everyone just thinks that, since I post, like you know, here's tips on how to do this, tips on how to lose body fat, get gut health in check, fix your hormones, like all these things, people just think that I'm like miss perfect and it's like I'm not perfect. So I think there's just this misconception too. Like social media is such a false, negative and so I don't often share, like everything that goes on in my life. I try to keep it. You know more fitness realm. So that's kind of on me.

Speaker 1:

I maybe need to start sharing a little bit more of like behind the scenes. But usually when I'm like in that moment I'm just so present because I'm with people that I don't get to be with all the time my boyfriend, my family and so I'm not just like trying to be like influencer girl, I'm trying to take the moments in and I typically a lot of times will leave my phone in my purse or in the car just so that I'm fully present in the moment. So that's why you don't really see a lot of like the behind the scenes of me outside of like my fitness and my clients and my athletes and things like that is because whenever I separate, like, get time away from that, like that time I'm fully present with those other people and so I'm really bad at documenting that. But I think people think that, since they don't see me post that and share that, that I'm just little miss perfect. I never eat off my meals, I always hit the gym, I always hit my cardio and it's like I am just like my clients. I'm just like my clients, I'm just like my athletes Majority of them, the ones that are hitting their shiz which majority of mine are and I'm just like another. I'm another human. I'm not some person that's just Superior to the people that I coach.

Speaker 1:

Like I'm not perfect, and so that's kind of what I wanted this episode to be about, and I just wanted to share that, like, perfectionism can, like, really drain people, and for the longest time, I thought that I did need to be perfect, that I did need to portray this thing of like, oh, I'm always perfect, I'm always on the grind, always on my shiz, and while I am majority of the time, I'm not all the time, and that's what causes the burnout, the fatigue and obviously, like, when I am in a prep setting, I'm pretty fucking perfect. Like you kind of have to be on your shiz every single day, hitting every single thing, but when I'm not, I'm so just just kind of getting that through your heads and I still see results, and that's the thing is, like you don't have to be perfect to the T to see results, but you still have to show up. Like you still can't use that excuse of like I'm not perfect, I'm not going, not gonna do today, like no, that's, that's some bs. So let me just jump into. I have some notes, um, to go into this episode, but this is so vague and so basic. But the real key to seeing the progress that you want to see is consistency over perfection.

Speaker 1:

So showing up like you don't have to do things perfectly day in and day out, whether that be you know, like I have to go to the gym at this time, I have to eat my meal. This time I have to have a meal before this going to the gym and, like I used to be think that I needed to be so structured, so regimented when it came to that at the end of the day, it's like I'm gonna get my training session in when I can get it in and it's gonna be good. Like I'm still gonna show up and be intentional. But if it's not 30 minutes after meal one and I have this much water and this much carbs, then like I've just kind of ditched that mindset and it feels good, like it almost makes my training sessions so much better because I'm able to just just be present, like just do, like go a little bit more with the flow and take the stress out of it. It makes it so much more fun and the real growth comes from, like the daily quote-unquote imperfect actions, like like prepping your meals, even if they're simple, like you don't have to make shit hard and complicated, or even just, like I said, getting in movement at this random point in time and it's not at a specific time in your daily schedule.

Speaker 1:

Like I know, know a lot of females, a lot of females that I coach and just people in general we're so fixated on like having so much structure. Don't get me wrong, I love structure, I love routine. There comes a point where you just kind of like have to let some shit go and sometimes your timestamps are just not going to match up with what you're wanting to accomplish and you need to sit with that. It's not going to match up with what you're wanting to accomplish and you need to sit with that, it's okay. I I think too, since I you know, it's really hard for me when I'm coming out of a prep setting because you are so perfect, regimented, with your meals, your water, your training, like all of these things.

Speaker 1:

And I think when I was working at my corporate job, I got such into routine. It was like wake up, cardio, eat my breakfast, go to work, go to the gym, come home, eat, walk, sleep, repeat, and it was just like monotonous, monotonous, monotonous. So when prep ended, I was like, oh my God, what do I do at this time? And so that's where you, that's where you kind of like struggle with your identity a little bit because, excuse me, me, because you've been so used to this structure and you don't know what to do with this time and it's just like just going more with the flow helps a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. Um, I know I kind of went on a little bit of tangent there about the consistency thing, but, like I said, ditch that mindset.

Speaker 1:

But on the flip side of things, we have to look at this at this perspective of like the I'm not perfect cannot be an excuse to skip showing up. So I know people use the excuse of like I'm not perfect as a reason to not even try to just like give up on a full day, and it's like you're following your meals, you're following your meals and then 2pm runs or 2pm gets here and you just snack, and then it's like you do this every single day and you're like, well, I can't be perfect, like I don't want to be too restricted and it's like there's a fine line here. Okay, you cannot have this excuse of like, oh, I just started snacking and so then I realized like well, I'm not perfect, so I can keep doing this. And it's like that's where the mindset thing of the perfection verse I'm not perfect gets a little bit hairy. So for me, it's like you know what I'm going to be on little bit hairy. So for me, it's like you know what I'm gonna be on, my shit like all the time, and I'm gonna enjoy a free meal, something sweet, at the end of the week, the weekend, like that's me. That's how I keep my not perfect mindset, and my other way that I do that is not being so strictly regimented with my schedule, because I know that if I don't follow it to a tee, then I get mad.

Speaker 1:

And then it's like that's where that perfectionism comes in. So you still have to show up and you still have to do the work, even if it's just not on the right timeline that you're wanting, or something happens outside of the time that you're really supposed to eat dinner or that you're supposed to go to the gym, and it's like you have to be adaptable and I think that's really the big key factor here is with perfectionism, with, like, the things that come with perfectionism is you kind of just have to learn to be adaptable and, although you may not be perfect, you're adapting to the environment that you're in and you're able to still get the shiz done. You're still able to have that strong mindset yeah, it's not perfect, but yeah, you got it done and you showed up. And so I think that's kind of where the confusion between the two comes from. So that builds that resilience and strengthens those habits, so that you're not able to just brush it off and have the excuse of I'm not perfect.

Speaker 1:

So we're going to talk about shifting your mindset a little bit. So you have to, like I said, shift your mindset from I need to be perfect to I need to show up and just get the shit done. Like my mood I can't base what I'm doing off my mood and how I feel, and I can't use this excuse. And I just encourage you that when things aren't ideal, like I said, move forward, quit looking back on it, quit dwelling on it and use that to fuel you, to make you better, and set non-negotiables for yourself. So daily commitments that are manageable, very manageable, taking a quick walk, prepping like a certain meal, putting a meal together that's going to fit into your nutrition, whatever it may be, and what's another thing? I mean going to sleep or doing something that you know is going to get you closer to your goals. Instead of filling it with something that's distracting or avoiding, put something in that may help you benefit, you get you closer, okay. So I'm just going to give you some actionable tips to build consistency without that perfection, perfectionism mindset.

Speaker 1:

So start small, pick one little thing a day to commit to every day, without expecting it to be flawless. So, like I said, this is something that you can do whenever it comes to your cardio, like for me, sometimes like in the morning. So I've actually just been switching up my training a little bit. I've been going fasted in the morning and so then my cardio has to get done at another time of the day, and usually I would be like okay, the conditions have to be perfect, I have to do it at this time because I'm having my meal at this time, and it's just like, whenever I get or need a break from work, just literally get on there and like get it done. It's 30 minutes, 30 minutes of a work break. Okay, cool, cool, I did it and I'm done Like.

Speaker 1:

So that's something small that you could just like ingrain in your mind of like I know I need to have this break from work, so why not implement a small walk, a cardio walk, something that I can do every single day to get it in? Or even just like making sure that you have your meals with you, like every single meal. Just prep it you have. If you, if you sure that you have your meals with you like every single meal, just prep it you have. If you, if you know that you have to work all day, have all three of your meals with you. Have them with you so that you don't have an excuse to fall off. That's a good one. Okay, track your effort.

Speaker 1:

So focus on like whether you showed up, not on how perfectly like you executed it. Now, this can be, this can be at the gym. So obviously, I'm not more of like a just show up and you know that's when progress will happen. You still have to be very intentional with what you're doing, on anything you do in life. You don't just show up to work and it's like all right, I'm here, let me just sit and just, you know, investigate or instigate I don't even know the word I'm trying to say Let me just sit here and not really pay attention all day, like no, you still have to be intentional with what you're doing. So I don't really like that one. I don't know why I wrote because I mean you have to show up, but you also have to be very intentional.

Speaker 1:

This last one hold yourself accountable. You have to stop freaking, just allowing things to happen that are not supposed to Like, for example, like you falling off track, and then you're like, oh, I'm not perfect, so it's okay, like I have, I have a long time. Like no, like you need to show up and make progress, like your life depends on it. You know, hold yourself to a really high standard. And that's too where it gets hairy. Like, oh, but I don't want to be perfect. And and it's like no, you're not being perfect, like literally no one's perfect, no matter what. You just have to hold yourself to a high standard when it comes to whatever it may be, like getting in your steps, getting in your water, going training, like making sure I'm intentional at the gym, like spending time with my family.

Speaker 1:

Like all of these times you all of these little things add up and if you hold yourself accountable to get them done, you're gonna feel so much better than yourself. Like mark off what you completed for me. I have a daily task list. Like I'm gonna do this, this, this and this, and then if I don't do it, I get literally so pissed at myself because I will go back and be like why didn't I do it that day? Like just because I was tired, because I was making these excuses? Like there comes a point in time where you have to disassociate your feelings with the things that you know you have to get done. Stop letting your mood and whatever you feel like you want to just brush off. Stop letting that hold you back from getting closer to where you want to be. Like the reason that you keep, you know, spinning your wheels week and week after week is because you're making little, tiny excuses throughout the week, whenever. If you just did them and took the thought out of it, you would progress so much faster.

Speaker 1:

It's incredibly frustrating to see, as a coach and even myself I get frustrated with myself of, like dude, you had 30 minutes. What were you doing with that 30 minutes? Were you just sitting there? Were you just trying to avoid it because you hated it? You don't want to do it like and this comes to with like I'm so tired of saying like hadley, this is frustrating to me associate or do something that you enjoy doing with getting on turnbull for me. I've been don't bother me scrolling on tiktok for two. I've been doing it too much recently. So I was like all right, I can do my cardio and scroll at the same time. Cool, not the best thing to do, but guess what, I still got it done. So those are my thoughts about perfectionism, and I've just wanted to kind of share that.

Speaker 1:

I've been on this like health fitness journey bettering myself for probably the last close to like four years now, and things don't get easier. I feel like I still battle some of the same demons that I did in the beginning. You know I'm never gonna be like XYZ person. I'm never gonna hit this physique goal that I want, and the more that you ingrain that in your head, the more it becomes your reality. So start shifting your words to I'm going to get these glutes that I want to get, because the big thing for me is like I'm trying to grow my glutes and my hamstrings. I'm trying to get the shape that I need to, the density that I need to to be competitive within my sport of bodybuilding, of bodybuilding. And so I've been just like fuck that other mentality of scarcity, manifest that shit. I'm going to get my glutes to where they need to be. I'm going to the way I'm going to do. That is, I'm going to show up in the gym four times a week. I'm going to be very intentional with my training. I'm going to log my training. I'm going to beat the logbook. I'm going to take videos. I'm going to send them to my coach. I'm going to do anything and everything I can to help progress my physique to the next level.

Speaker 1:

And that's what you have to do. You have to be honest and real with yourself. Sit down, write out your goals. Stop having these limiting beliefs. Stop holding yourself back because of your negative mindset. Stop focusing on what shit is going wrong and focus on what shit is going right. What am I going to do right now to get me to that next level? What am I going to do? Am I going to sit here and play the victim mindset or am I going to sit here and manifest that shit, have the growth mindset that I know I need to have and fucking win Like, oh, we've got to be better about the way that we're talking to ourselves. We have to stop being so scarce, no, manifest, dream freaking big and stop holding yourself back. Okay, we need to have these positive self-talks every single day.

Speaker 1:

And I know some days, some days, you're not going to feel good. Some days it's just going to be like, oh, I don't feel good today. No, that's when you gotta turn it around, those days where you're like, oh, no, change that mindset. You have to think forwardly, think positively, gratitude, put yourself in a situation, think about your ideal situation where you want to be. What am I going to do to get there? How can I be the best version of myself in all aspects of my life? What am I going to do to level up? How am I going to be that freaking badass that I know I want to be? Okay, so sorry, I just went on a little bit of a tangent there, but I think that those things are incredibly important. The way you talk to yourself matters. The way that you project yourself to be definitely matters.

Speaker 1:

And we're not perfect, okay, theme of the episode dish to perfectionism, but still know, like you gotta try, you gotta get in there, you gotta get in the trenches, because the trenches are where champions are made. Okay, really, I think I'm gonna wrap the episode up here. I know my episodes are short, like they. I think I'm going to wrap the episode up here. I know my episodes are short, like they're like 20, 30 minutes long, but I think that's good. That's enough time for me to like get some shit off my chest, while also being motivational, because sometimes it's hard to sit here and talk by myself. I'm literally looking at the camera right now and being like talking to it, but it's hard when you don't have another person sitting here with you. There's only so much you can say before you start to get in your own head of like, what are you saying?

Speaker 1:

Anyways, yeah, it's the evening time and I am starting to shut her down for the day, but I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and please share it, if you enjoyed it with your friends, your family, give it a review.

Speaker 1:

It means the world. Honestly, if you could just share with one singular person, I would just feel so much gratitude. My goal in life is to just spread the Spread, the word of me and my views and to just help people like get outside, step outside their comfort zone, get outside the norm and just break free of being a basic. We want to be badass people, we want to challenge the norm and do different things, and that's my goal goal, honestly, my goal in life is to do those things. So if you would just share with one person, someone new, that would mean the world of a difference to me, because I'm reaching one more person than before. So thank you guys, so much for listening. I'm in a really great mood today. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I'm relishing in it, so I hope you guys enjoyed for the fifth time how many times I'm gonna say that don't really know, but I will see y'all in the next episode. Bye.